The Pointless, Yet Poignant, Crisis of a Co-Ed

OKAY, SO. Tuesday, puckling asked me, in the name of opposition research, which players on the Houston Aeros she should watch out for when she goes to the Aeros-IceHogs game on Friday. Then, because I mentioned that some of the Aeros are pretty decent, facewise, she demanded proof, which I promised to provide as soon as I could get to a place with an internet connection. HERE YOU GO, PUCK.

Disclaimer: Last season, I didn't really get into the Aeros, because I already spend six months of the year weeping over the inadequacies of a Houston sports team and my dance card in that regard is FULL. But they play pretty good hockey, and they're right there, so I started listening to/attending games this season. My knowledge is recent and limited and has largely been acquired against my will, because the road to Aeros fandom dead-ends in the Minnesota Wild, and I cannot root for Zach Parise. I JUST CAN'T.

( Rambling and pictures ahoy! )

OKAY AND NOW THE TEA-SHOP PEOPLE ARE KICKING ME OUT SO I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY INTERNET-LESS HOME, BUT PUCKLING, THESE ARE THE ONES TO WATCH OUT FOR.

So. This is Erik Karlsson.



And this is Lars Eller.



And if you'll give me a moment of your time, I'll tell you why 87711988 should write about them boning for hockeyrarepairs.

( Good-looking Nordic Boys and Backstory, HO! )

( The Just-The-Good-Bits Version )

Okay, back to my hockeyrarepairs fic, which is basically an excuse for me to write both sides of an epic chirp-off and hope that I'm as funny as I think I am. We shall see.

He goes and does stuff like this:

When asked what he would have done if he hadn’t become a professional hockey goalie, Bryzgalov didn’t hesitate.

“Astronaut,” he said quickly.

The media pack sort of blinked back at him. No one was sure whether he was kidding. He wasn’t.

“No, seriously,” he added.

At which point Bryzgalov began a long dissertation about the American space program versus the Soviet/Russian space program and which was superior. He noted that the first two animals in space were Russian dogs, which led to a strange exchange between Bryzgalov and a reporter about who had lost more monkeys in space -- the Americans or the Soviets/Russians. Bryzgalov conceded that too many monkeys had lost their lives in that vocation.

“The problem with monkeys,” Bryzgalov quipped, “they push the wrong buttons.”

WHY IS THERE NOT VIDEOTAPE OF THIS? My soul cries out for Bryz's opinion on the Soviet space program. How does he feel about the historical blind spot in which Valentina Tereshkova resides? Does he agree with Neil DeGrasse Tyson on the motivations behind the initial Soviet push? I NEED TO KNOW.

My soul also cries out because of last night's game. I don't really want to talk about it. Bryz was good, everyone else was inexplicably bad, Laviolette needs to yell at everyone, and it should never happen again. THE END. (Except to add that I kind of want to stab this guy with his own pen. "Bryzgalov played well, sure, but Philly doesn't need 'well.' Philly demands A GOALTENDING GOD." Jackass.)

I've been talking a lot (for me) about hockey fandom, but I've also been writing, in an incredibly distracted, ADD sort of way, three stories:

( Cut because I bored even myself with this bit )

I'm not dead, I promise! I've just been spending a lot of time in the real world, and also on Tumblr, which requires much less thought than Dreamwidth. However, Tumblr is mostly for my RL friends, albeit a fannish subset thereof. I want to get back into the thinking and writing and squeeing thing in a space where shame is a completely foreign concept because:

I think I might be into hockey fandom now? I mean, I've still never seen a game or anything, but first jamethiel wrote me up a little pimp thingie because I asked her to tell me why hockey fandom was awesome, and then thefourthvine started reccing it, and now it's a week later and I seem to have woken up in a Canadian back alley covered in bruises and jerseys with strong opinions about Jonathan Toews. Help!

It's been an interesting trip, because this is the first time I've read a LOT in a fandom where I knew absolutely nothing. I have cousins who play hockey and a sort of vague hereditary obligation to cheer for the Flyers when prompted, but going into this I didn't even know how many periods were in a game. However! Hockey fandom has stepped in to fill the gap and taught me many things:

1. Sidney Crosby is a hockey-playing robot.
2. Patrick Kane is a horrible human being.
3. Jonathan Toews is a hockey-playing robot and a horrible human being.
4. No one pines like Geno Malkin.
5. Alexander Ovechin is a puckish matchmaking spirit of whimsy.
6. Duncan Keith has no teeth whatsoever, because he gave them all to Brent Seabrook as a declaration of love.
7. Carey Price is a stoner cowboy.
8. PK Subban is a big dumb puppy.
9. Claude Giroux and Daniel Briere are married and have three adorable French-Canadian children. They just haven't realized they're married yet.
10. Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews kinda know that they're married, but they keep fighting because the make-up sex is awesome.
11. Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook know that they're married, and spend a lot of time worrying about other people's marriages.
12. Everyone in the NHL is funny-looking except for Patrick Sharp.
13. NHL players are the worst at pranks.
14. Somewhere in the NHL is an entire team composed of players named Staal.
15. No one in the NHL in the entire history of ever can ever talk about their feelings. Ever.

Obviously this is an incomplete list. So, does anyone have any recs/advice on how to watch hockey without, actually, living in a state where hockey is a thing/owning a TV? Youtube has been helping me out, but it's a bit hit-or-miss.