The Pointless, Yet Poignant, Crisis of a Co-Ed

Dear Yule Goat

Mon, 14 Oct 2013 01:44:15 GMT

We've matched! Out of all the gin joints in all the fandoms in all the world, you had to walk into mine. This, alone, is enough to fill me with immense fondness for you and your works.

This will be my fourth year doing Yuletide, and every year, I am more and more amazed at what the participants in this challenge can pull off. I've never had a disappointing Yuletide morning, no matter how closely my writer followed my prompt or how much they took it off into their own fantastic directions. My suggestions are just that: suggestions. I would rather receive a story that someone was passionate about than one written out of slavish adherence to specifications. Write whatever you need to write to have a good Yuletide.

That said, if you're LOOKING for some guidance: I'm agnostic regarding femmeslash, slash, gen, and het. I'm very into fanworks that interrogate the text, that poke at it and extrapolate and build in new details that may or may not be comfortable to read about. I also like banter, science, history, and literary references. If you have any more questions about my preferences generally, please consult my dear internet bring me a pony tag, which contains my previous fannish challenge letters (including, uh, the one that I apparently didn't write last year. Whoops).

On to the fandoms!

(Fandoms to come.)

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Hockiest. Weekend. Ever.

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:11:08 GMT

Hello gang! I have not posted here for a while. I blame

Tumblr,

Work, and, for the last ~~three days~~ ~~week~~ two weeks (it was a long two weeks, okay? Computer shenanigans happened.) or so,

BEING DEAD OF SHEER JOY BECAUSE PATRICK KANE SCORED A SPINORAMA GOAL THIRTY FEET FROM MY FACE.

Yes, by the grace of the NHL schedule, the Stars played the Blackhawks at home on a Saturday night, and because bienenalster is a glorious enabler, we drove up to Dallas to watch. This was the best decision I have made all year, and I am including the one about putting mochi bits into Nutella. It took a while to recover from my unfortunate demise, but, like Jesus, I have risen to preach the good news of Brandon Saad’s hockey sense.

But first, we had to try to assimilate Coworker J into the glories of hockey by throwing the Aeros at her.

( THURSDAY: A Fan is Born )
( SATURDAY: In Which It Is Totally Okay to Pity the Dallas Stars, But Only For 97 Seconds )
( SUNDAY: In which I learn how to skate backwards, and Kris Foucault learns about pendulums. )

NEXT TIME, OR WHENEVER TECHNOLOGY STOPS HATING ME: PICTURES!!

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Yuletide Reveal!

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 04:39:27 GMT

Another Yuletide has come and gone, and I wrote in a fandom that isn't Young Wizards this year!

Postcards from After the End for Kass. Newsflesh Trilogy, Georgia Mason/Shaun Mason. They sent their posts and articles via blind relay. They sent their very rare postcards much the same way.

I'm very much afraid that it wasn't my best effort, but my recipient liked it, and that's what matters. Also, it has hockey references, because apparently that's how I roll now and forever. The zombie apocalypse has to happen first, but the Maple Leafs do, eventually, win the Stanley Cup again.

In return, I received TWO OUTSTANDINGLY AWESOME WORKS, BOTH FROM MY ASSIGNED YULE GOAT. Y'all, I don't know how they did it, but belford deserves all the praise in the world and you should go give them some.

The first present was Bigger Than You Think an interactive story of exploration, which was a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE VIDEO GAME COMBINING XKCD AND ITALO CALVINO. I almost burst out crying Christmas morning, I was so happy with it. Also, it wasn't quite The Fic That Won Yuletide (I think the Twisted Princesses fic that got linked on i09 did that), but it was up there, and I am happy that it was FOR MEEEE.

The second present was Tropesis, in Young Wizards, which was The Winged Defender/The Lone Power in the time before entropy. I know I said I loved the video game, but this one hit me where I LIVE, and I think I love it EVEN MORE than the video game. Go read it, it's beautiful.

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The Houston Aeros: apparently, you can do things with ice besides put it in tea

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 18:19:14 GMT

OKAY, SO. Tuesday, puckling asked me, in the name of opposition research, which players on the Houston Aeros she should watch out for when she goes to the Aeros-IceHogs game on Friday. Then, because I mentioned that some of the Aeros are pretty decent, facewise, she demanded proof, which I promised to provide as soon as I could get to a place with an internet connection. HERE YOU GO, PUCK.

Disclaimer: Last season, I didn't really get into the Aeros, because I already spend six months of the year weeping over the inadequacies of a Houston sports team and my dance card in that regard is FULL. But they play pretty good hockey, and they're right there, so I started listening to/attending games this season. My knowledge is recent and limited and has largely been acquired against my will, because the road to Aeros fandom dead-ends in the Minnesota Wild, and I cannot root for Zach Parise. I JUST CAN'T.

( Rambling and pictures ahoy! )

OKAY AND NOW THE TEA-SHOP PEOPLE ARE KICKING ME OUT SO I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY INTERNET-LESS HOME, BUT PUCKLING, THESE ARE THE ONES TO WATCH OUT FOR.

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Ce n'est pas a Yuletide Letter

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 23:39:34 GMT

But one will reside here before too long! Until that happy day, here are my signups:

This Is Where It Starts Commercial

Ben Watkins
Meng Ling

I'm really intrigued by the notion that the only way the pinnacle of a sport can be reached is when two talented individuals meet and decide that they'd like to pound each other into the floor (in one way or another). That said, I'd really like a slash story that focuses on Watkins' and Meng's rivalry and how it shapes their relationship with the sport and with each other. Futurism would also be awesome, but isn't necessary. Have fun!

xkcd 1110 (Click and Drag)

Pick a quadrant. Write me a story. If you offered this, I'm sure you've got one in mind. If you need suggestions, I give a few in my Dear Yulegoat letter.

Young Wizards - Diane Duane

Lone Power (Young Wizards)
Machu Picchu | Winged Defender

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why, you might ask?
I don't know, but I feel it
and it burns.

Winged Defender/Lone Power, please.

Community

Abed Nadir
Troy Barnes
Annie Edison

They all grow up, but not at the same pace. Abed/Troy/Annie.

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For andthenextday

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 03:56:35 GMT

For sixteenwins, I put up a week of posts as my stake. I lost, horribly, and andthenextday won, magnificently, and requested a week of the Los Angeles Kings hugging each other and having terrible facial hair. The results are below the cut.

( andthenextday is a time-traveling terminator. )

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TAE KWON DORKS: An Incomplete, Irreverent, Possibly Irrelevant Guide to Olympic Taekwondo

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 23:51:22 GMT

The Summer Olympics are here, and while everyone else in the United States is huddled around the TV to watch the gymnasts defy gravity and Michael Phelps win another Fort Knox-equivalent of gold medals, I'll be clutching my laptop, watching the only event that really matters to me: taekwondo.

Olympic-style sparring is fast, intense, and highly skilled. It combines explosive movement with the strategy of chess. It's fun to do and fun to watch, and unless you yourself are a high-level competitor or lucky enough to live in a city that's hosting a tournament, the Olympics are the only time you can really see the world's best in action. Basically, I spend the Summer Olympics flailing incoherently over TKD. I invite you to join me.

( The Basics )

( Who to Watch )

( How to Watch )

( Appendices, Footnotes, and Further Resources )

Hopefully, this giant primer has piqued your interest in my favorite sport. Taekwondo is big and complicated and wonderful and I love it, and I hope you'll watch it and talk to me about it. Thank you for reading!

These patriotic BAMFs thank you for your time. And I thank jamethiel for reading over this and telling me where it was boring.

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THE NOT-VERY-EPIC TALE OF KARLSSON AND ELLER

Mon, 21 May 2012 20:38:50 GMT

So. This is Erik Karlsson.

And this is Lars Eller.

And if you'll give me a moment of your time, I'll tell you why 87711988 should write about them boning for hockeyrarepairs.

( Good-looking Nordic Boys and Backstory, HO! )

( The Just-The-Good-Bits Version )

Okay, back to my hockeyrarepairs fic, which is basically an excuse for me to write both sides of an epic chirp-off and hope that I'm as funny as I think I am. We shall see.

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On Superstition and Cookery

Tue, 08 May 2012 23:20:57 GMT

So the Flyers are facing elimination tonight, and I decided that I would make Chocolate Chip Comeback Cookies to take with me to the hockey bar tonight. (This isn't quite as weird as it sounds. We usually order in food, and one guy's bringing cheesesteaks tonight.)

My usual chocolate chip cookie recipe makes four dozen. Of the four dozen cookies I backed this afternoon, one dozen burned, one dozen fell on the floor after the wire rack overturned, and the remaining two dozen are the sorriest looking cookies I have ever made in my entire life. They are EPICALLY pathetic.

Needless to say, the Chocolate Chip Comeback Cookies will not be coming with me to the bar. If I knew a way to ritually burn cookies, I would do that instead.

*whimper*

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Just When I Think I Can't Love Ilya Bryzgalov More...

Wed, 02 May 2012 23:22:20 GMT

He goes and does stuff like this:

When asked what he would have done if he hadn’t become a professional hockey goalie, Bryzgalov didn’t hesitate.

“Astronaut,” he said quickly.

The media pack sort of blinked back at him. No one was sure whether he was kidding. He wasn’t.

“No, seriously,” he added.

At which point Bryzgalov began a long dissertation about the American space program versus the Soviet/Russian space program and which was superior. He noted that the first two animals in space were Russian dogs, which led to a strange exchange between Bryzgalov and a reporter about who had lost more monkeys in space -- the Americans or the Soviets/Russians. Bryzgalov conceded that too many monkeys had lost their lives in that vocation.

“The problem with monkeys,” Bryzgalov quipped, “they push the wrong buttons.”

WHY IS THERE NOT VIDEOTAPE OF THIS? My soul cries out for Bryz's opinion on the Soviet space program. How does he feel about the historical blind spot in which Valentina Tereshkova resides? Does he agree with Neil DeGrasse Tyson on the motivations behind the initial Soviet push? I NEED TO KNOW.

My soul also cries out because of last night's game. I don't really want to talk about it. Bryz was good, everyone else was inexplicably bad, Laviolette needs to yell at everyone, and it should never happen again. THE END. (Except to add that I kind of want to stab this guy with his own pen. "Bryzgalov played well, sure, but Philly doesn't need 'well.' Philly demands A GOALTENDING GOD." Jackass.)

I've been talking a lot (for me) about hockey fandom, but I've also been writing, in an incredibly distracted, ADD sort of way, three stories:

( Cut because I bored even myself with this bit )

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HOCKEY BARS ARE WONDERFUL

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 04:00:57 GMT

Tonight, in honor of the Flyers' assault against the Penguins, I decided to abandon my solitary ritual of a livestream and GChat and venture out into the wilds of my city's only hockey bar.

THIS TURNED OUT TO BE AN EXCELLENT DECISION.

( Spoilers of Awesomeness and Drunkenness both )

THIS HAS BEEN A DRUNK PLAYOFFS POST, I HOPE IT DIDN'T SUCK TOO MUCH. GRACIAS Y'ALL. BLACKHAWKS MANANA POR VICTORY.

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Ilya Bryzgalov, Master of the Universe

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 02:42:03 GMT

WHO WAS THE NHL'S FIRST STAR LAST WEEK... AND THEN AGAIN THIS WEEK?

THIS GUY.

And this is reason enough to get off my ass and post my primer on Ilya Bryzgalov, and Why You Should Love Him.

Disclaimer: I got into hockey about two months ago. I wrote this because the alternative was babbling about my Bryzgalov Feelings to jamethiel until she got sick of me. I may have gotten things wrong. Proceed With Caution.

( Early Career: Russia and the AHL. In Which Not Much Happens, At Least According to the English-Speaking Internet. )

( Anaheim Ducks and Phoenix Coyotes: In Which a Personality Begins to Emerge. )

( Philadelphia Flyers: In Which Someone Finally Gives Bryz a Mic, and The World Rejoices. Except Philly. )

( Sidebars )

This magnificent human being thanks you for your time.

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Fannish History Meme

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 17:11:25 GMT

Because my Dai Stiho Friend/Ship fic won't procrastinate itself, here, have my fannish history meme.

( This )

Okay. Time to get back to writing!

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Things Hockey Fandom Has Taught Me

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:28:42 GMT

I'm not dead, I promise! I've just been spending a lot of time in the real world, and also on Tumblr, which requires much less thought than Dreamwidth. However, Tumblr is mostly for my RL friends, albeit a fannish subset thereof. I want to get back into the thinking and writing and squeeing thing in a space where shame is a completely foreign concept because:

I think I might be into hockey fandom now? I mean, I've still never seen a game or anything, but first jamethiel wrote me up a little pimp thingie because I asked her to tell me why hockey fandom was awesome, and then thefourthvine started reccing it, and now it's a week later and I seem to have woken up in a Canadian back alley covered in bruises and jerseys with strong opinions about Jonathan Toews. Help!

It's been an interesting trip, because this is the first time I've read a LOT in a fandom where I knew absolutely nothing. I have cousins who play hockey and a sort of vague hereditary obligation to cheer for the Flyers when prompted, but going into this I didn't even know how many periods were in a game. However! Hockey fandom has stepped in to fill the gap and taught me many things:

Sidney Crosby is a hockey-playing robot.
Patrick Kane is a horrible human being.
Jonathan Toews is a hockey-playing robot and a horrible human being.
No one pines like Geno Malkin.
Alexander Ovechin is a puckish matchmaking spirit of whimsy.
Duncan Keith has no teeth whatsoever, because he gave them all to Brent Seabrook as a declaration of love.
Carey Price is a stoner cowboy.
PK Subban is a big dumb puppy.
Claude Giroux and Daniel Briere are married and have three adorable French-Canadian children. They just haven't realized they're married yet.
Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews kinda know that they're married, but they keep fighting because the make-up sex is awesome.
Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook know that they're married, and spend a lot of time worrying about other people's marriages.
Everyone in the NHL is funny-looking except for Patrick Sharp.
NHL players are the worst at pranks.
Somewhere in the NHL is an entire team composed of players named Staal.
No one in the NHL in the entire history of ever can ever talk about their feelings. Ever.

Obviously this is an incomplete list. So, does anyone have any recs/advice on how to watch hockey without, actually, living in a state where hockey is a thing/owning a TV? Youtube has been helping me out, but it's a bit hit-or-miss.

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Yuletide Wrap-Up

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 21:16:49 GMT

Yuletide has come and gone for another year. I'm going to be a while longer slogging through the backlog of posted fic, though, because the Dread God Real Life has been very active lately, but here, have my reveal and a few recs.

I wrote Automotive Testing Procedures in the Young Wizards fandom. I'm pretty sure it was an easy guess for anyone who cared to take a swing at it, since my affection for Kit and Ronan and penchant for pretentious titles are dead giveaway tells in Young Wizards. I also received fic in Young Wizards, Remaking, a wonderful little slice of Tom/Carl that was exactly what I was hoping for when I asked someone to write me the fic their heart desired.

( Other fic I liked included: )

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A Post of Many Things

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 23:41:45 GMT

1. Kaleidoscope authors have finally been revealed, which means that I get to tell you all that I wrote Experiments in Writer's Block in Y tu mama tambien fandom for venturous! This was not an easy story to write; I came up with the central concept of "writer's block" early in the process, and it proved ominously prescient. That said, I am actually pretty happy with it, and I've gotten some really lovely feedback for it. If you enjoy young men dooming themselves to unhappiness through their own emotional barriers, I recommend you give it a shot. If not, well, I don't blame you.

2. Yuletide assignments are out! My letter, which I didn't post until a few days after assignments went out (oops) is here, with prompts in Young Wizards, The Night Circus, Newsflesh, and Fidelio, should you care to peruse it. The Fannish Exchange Gods, perhaps in compensation for the horrors they visited upon me during Kaleidoscope, have given me an excellent excuse to write a story that's been dying to be written by someone in this fandom for a long time. My only fear is Length; I don't think this one is going to stay short.

3. My Adventures in Tag Wrangling continue apace: I now wrangle Twilight. All of it. Because I have read two of the books (sober) and have seen all of the movies so far (shit-faced drunk) and that's more qualification than I have to wrangle some of my fandoms, and because no one else was taking them. This, apparently, is what the OTW does: makes you make it easier for people to read things in a fandom you completely hate, because you actually do believe that everyone has a right to write and read the Werewolf/Vampire/Spineless Self-Insert Character threesome of their heart. Fandom, what have you done to me.

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Kaleidoscope is Live! And Comes Highly Recommended.

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:52:11 GMT

The Kaleidoscope fics are live, and while I can't tell you which fic I nearly killed myself writing until next Saturday, I can recommend quite a few of them.

( Recs in Coffee Prince, The Inheritance Trilogy, Saving Face, The Epic of Gilgamesh, and Mongolian History RPF under the cut! )

If those weren't enough, there's a list of all the fanworks, gifts and treats alike, here. Go give them some love.

Now, I need a favor in return: I'm about to embark on a three-day cross-country drive with my father. My type-A, ADD father, whom I adore but who also is not, shall we say, good at transitional periods, change, sharing, or driving for extended periods of time. We have audiobooks and NPR podcasts, but those only go so far. For the sake of our filial relationship, please, recommend to me any good, novel-length fic you've read recently, preferably on the AO3 for ease of Kindle-ing. I don't care about the fandom or pairing, though I have been heavily into the Avengers movieverse lately.

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Writing! It's very hard to love it, sometimes.

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 00:52:42 GMT

Oh my god, y'all. My hair has gone white overnight, my visage is gnarled and twisted, and my friends and relations no longer know my face, but my Kaleidoscope fic is done. Or rather, abandoned, because it works okay-ish and lacks major grammatical and stylistic errors and doesn't completely suck and at five hours until the fics go live (not are due, mind you, but go live), I feel that I have wrung every drop of blood from that particular stone. Writing this aged me. It isn't even like it was particularly long. I was just incredibly stressed out over figuring out what my recipient wanted, exactly, and reconciling my best guesses about that to a very, very tightly closed canon. I know for a fact that I was waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy overthinking the whole thing, but I have never freaked out over a challenge like this before. My brain has been reduced to .gifs.

( A challenge, as told in .gifs. Warning for abuse of bandwidth. )

Now, to go sign up for Yuletide so I can do it all again in a month.

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I went to the post office and I found this...

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:50:44 GMT

I can't do a proper Yuletide squee post yet, because I haven't done signups yet, because real life and Kaleidoscope have combined to eat me, but this was too good not to do a quick share before I run off to a meeting:

Proof that America is the land of slash and honey*: Even our government agencies write anthropomorfic.

*Note for the benefit of the slash: honey apparently makes a terrible lube.

Edit: ARGH HTML ARGH NEW POSTING WINDOW ARGH

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What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Thirteen and Nerdy

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 22:44:05 GMT

A friend of mine has a cousin - young, dresses oddly, likes Doctor Who - who's going through a bit of a rough patch. We're trying to collect advice for her - other than the generic "it'll be better in college" - here.

If you could take a moment to tell someone what you wish someone had told you when you were thirteen, it'd be appreciated.

ETA: A number of people have expressed an interest in seeing other people's responses, so I've set up a Tumblr here. The anonymity of all responses will be preserved.

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Sometimes I feel like I'm doing "girl" wrong. Then I shrug and go wrestle a bear.

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 06:38:37 GMT

Right. So A (the artist for the webcomic I write) and I were both up late, trying to beat our publicity materials into submission before a con this weekend. Usually when this happens, we start sending each other little pieces of encouragement, often in the form of photos of half-naked men. This time, however, we went a bit more pornographic.

A: BTW, I fell in love today while I was driving.....
with the Audi R8 that pulled up next to me
It was love at first sight.
Pax: I don't blame you.
Though their front grille is a little derpy.
A: I like the derpy grille!
hehehe
Pax: YAY attachment finally uploaded.
A: Seriously, though, I liked that car more than I liked any guy in my life.
[A's former crush] included.
Is there a word for people like me?
Pax: Probably, but I'm not googling for it. :D
A: hahaaa
Look at this and tell me you'd rather have a smelly boy.
I mean seriously.
I know you like the swooooope.
Pax: Nope.
I mean, I'd take the Ferrari
But, as always, my heart belongs to Lotus
(also, your pretty Swoop-y 458? Has a bad habit of spontaneously combusting.)
A: i can think of no better vessel to be burned alive in.
Pax: *pause*
*think*
Okay, you have a point there.

Priorities: we totally have them straight.

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If if weren't for bad decisions, I'd make no decisions at all

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 21:31:29 GMT

1. On reflection, signing up for every unclaimed K-Pop fandom on my first day as an AO3 tag wrangler may have been a tad over-ambitious. Whatever, I'm like 60% through the backlog of confusion and crossover pairings, with only the Super Junior Mountain Of Too Many Band Members left to climb. RAMMING SPEED.

2. I am uncertain whether I should enlist in yagkyas or not. On the one hand, I promised myself that if I got to the minimum word count in my Kaleidoscope story by the end of enlistment, I'd do it. On the other hand, while I have the minimum, the story's not actually done. On Shiva's third hand, I really like writing Ray Person, but on this fourth hand I just found by the side of the road, I'm completely incapable of writing Brad/Nate, which is the dominant pairing in the Generation Kill fandom by a long shot. Help! I need more hands! Or fewer, whichever one helps me to resolve shit.

3. Ask the Audience: how self-indulgent are you allowed to get with something that you're writing for someone else before you're no longer allowed to give it to them? Only I promised fic to someone a while back, and it seems to be turning into a Lord King Bad Fic despite my best intentions.

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Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:57:54 GMT

Imagined night out: Go out to bar, drink too much, discuss Proust with black-turtleneck-clad young things, wake up next morning to find you've got a t-shirt from a frequent drinkers' club and a phone with new texts from a contact listed as "Jeremy Pub 3/10 IGNORE," who you apparently gave your number to, because why not.

Actual night out: Go out to bar, drink too much, get into argument about wind energy prospects in Texas and electricity wastage per mile, go to different bar, salsa dance with middle-aged Latinos, go to food truck, snag delicious Korean BBQ/Mexican fusion tacos, wake up next morning to find you've got a t-shirt from a frequent drinkers' club and a fannish e-mail account with new comments on a Sunbeam/Rainbow dubcon comment fic, which you apparently wrote, because why not.

Ladies and gentlemen: my life choices.

Also, Kaleidoscope assignments have been sent out! The winter gift exchange season has officially commenced! My assigned prompt was, well, pretty non-existent; I'm really hoping my recipient posts a Dear Doer of Darkness letter that gives a wee bit more guidance. But I am excited, nonetheless! TINY FANDOM, HO!

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Dear Doer of Darkness,

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 20:34:31 GMT

You've gotten me for Kaleidoscope. YAY! This means we share at least one tiny fandom, and it also means that you'll be helping that fandom expand by a small but significant amount, and really, that's all I care about. The prompts I gave are just that - prompts. If they don't gun your engine, you're totally allowed to come at things from a different angle. Whatever you write, I'll love.

If you're reading this, you're hopefully just trying to get a better handle on my tastes and preferences. The Cliff's Notes version: I like, in no particular order, gen, het, slash, and femslash, I'm a big fan of badinage and twisty, thoughtful plots that re-examine the source material, and if you throw in obscure factoids or details about the world I will love your story forever.

If on the other hand you're here because you were completely confused by my prompt ("She wants light and fluffy death fic? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAAAANNNNN?"), I've gone on a little bit more about each of them below the cuts.

( Coffee Prince )

( The Inheritance Trilogy - N.K. Jemisin )

( Raging Phoenix )

That's it! If you have any more questions, feel free to check the "dear internet bring me a pony" tag, which I use for exchange letters, or drop me an anonymous comment here. Good luck!

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Thoughts on the G.I.R.L. phenomenon

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 04:53:08 GMT

So, if there are no girls on the internet, and no guys in fandom...

...how do we exist?

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